English title:
My next-door flatmate took a friend back to stay in our flat,
but sent me the message after the new person moved in
|
Hermione in London
30th March 2020
Cloudy
??陶理 Hermione
2020.03.30 19:01
我有發(fā)聲的權(quán)利，
I have a right to say,
但可能什么都沒變化。
but this may change nothing.
但真的什么都沒變嗎?
Wait, really nothing changed?
至少我說了我想說的。
At least, I said what I wanted to say.
為了避免有任何國籍歧視，而且我覺得和主題無關(guān)，無需提及這兩人國籍，我就說我室友是女性，她朋友是男性，其他的我就都不說了。畢竟同樣是生活在異國、生活還捉襟見肘到得和人合租公寓，我將心比心，還是不要說太多與這件事無關(guān)的個人信息了。但這并不意味著這件事情我就覺得舒服。
To avoid any discrimination with nationality, and I also think there is no relevance to the topic I want to focus on, no need to mention their other personal infornation, all I can say is my flatmate is female and her friend is male. After all, we are all living outside our home countries, and we are so poor that we have to live with others in a small flat. My empathy tells me not to refer the personal information. But it does not mean I feel comfortable about what she did.
事實上，我覺得特別不舒服，但說出來之后，還是住在這。
In fact, I feel very uncomfortable, but after I expressed myself, I still live here.
之所以分享出來這件小事，也是因為我想說出我的不舒服，我想表達(dá)也想做個記錄。而且分享在這里，要是看到的讀者不幸也遇到類似的這種體驗（希望任何一個人都不要遇到我遇到的這種糟心事），但萬一，遇到后不知道該怎么回復(fù)，我的回答或許是有幫助的。萬一這讀者和我很像，一旦要對身邊的人說出自己的批評就特別謹(jǐn)言慎行，怕傷害到你批評的人，盡管只是在批評這個行為，而不是人身攻擊。我這個對室友不當(dāng)行為的回復(fù)，不僅自己幾經(jīng)揣度，還和好幾個朋友確認(rèn)過，是沒有攻擊性，但說清楚了自己觀點的。我想，應(yīng)該可以也值得供有需要的人參考。
The reason I share this incident is because I want to say something about my uncomfort. Besides, sharing this would be beneficial to some reader if someday they unfortunately face this kind of experience (fingers crossed: no one would experience the disgusting stuff I have gone through), but just in case, someone faces similar difficulty and does not know how to reply, my answer might be helpful. If this someone is like me, very cautious in criticising someone around, feeling afraid that the person you criticised of their behaviour, will take it personally. My reply to my flatmate's misbehaviour, is not just well-thought by me. I also get confirmed with my several friends that my words are not aggressive and clear enough to express my point. From my perspectives, this can be a reference if someone need.
先說清楚，我分享這事也不是要看到這篇的人來對我或我室友的做法作出任何評判。這是我的人生，經(jīng)過我深思熟慮的選擇。我或許會因為這個小小的蝴蝶效應(yīng)，增加自己死亡的風(fēng)險，但我選擇這么做了，就能承擔(dān)也不得不承擔(dān)這樣的風(fēng)險。我沒有辦法撤銷自己的做法，也不想重來。
First I want to be clear that sharing this is not for your judgement on me nor my flatmate. This is my life and my choice after careful thoughts. I may walk closer to death as I did this, like a butterfly effect. But I chose this pathway, that means I can and have to bear with the risk. I have no way to undo what I have done, and I do not want to go back and do it again.
如果你根本就和我沒有私交，省省你的時間，留給那些珍視你的評判的人。突然從哪兒跳出來對我指手畫腳的陌生人，我只會不予理睬。
If you and I barely know each other, save your time to someone else who appreciate your judgement. I will ignore you if you, as a stranger, dare to teach me, who is also a stranger, how to live my life.
如果你和我確實有私交，那你就應(yīng)該了解我是個固執(zhí)的人，一旦決定了我想要優(yōu)先做的事情。我目前的優(yōu)先事項就是在我的房間里盡可能不受打擾地做成我想做的事情，說完我想說的話。所以搬家還不在我的考慮范圍內(nèi)。與其勸我走，或者勸我趕室友的朋友走，不如花時間坦誠地和我聊聊對彼此的看法，在我還可以回應(yīng)你的時候，說點有價值和有建設(shè)性的事情。如果你記得我想要讓我的朋友們在我的葬禮上致悼詞，現(xiàn)在就可以寫?？赡芪覀冞€能就悼詞聊一聊，如果你也不覺得這樣做有點毛骨悚然的話。我是覺得完全可以。
If you do have a personal connection with me, then you should know that I am a stubborn person if I have made up my mind about my priority. My current priority is to stay in my room without distractions to do what I want to do and say what I want to say. So moving to another place is not what I would consider. Instead of convincing me to move out, or persuading me to ask my flatmate's friend go away, it is a better choice to talk with me when we can have honest conversations, say something that can build up and therefore has value. We can talk about how we see each other, and if you remember the lament I would like my friends to give at my funeral, do it now. Maybe we can even talk about the lament, if not too creepy to you. I am perfectly okay with this.
我知道我的讀者里有關(guān)心愛護我的家人和密友，看到這可能已經(jīng)焦急得不得了了。我可以多說幾句寬慰的話，先說一句別擔(dān)心我：
I know my family and close friends actually love me would probably would be very concerned. I can say something to make you feel better, I will start with do not worry for me:
第一，新的人已經(jīng)住進來了。我就算將ta趕走，只會多一個流離失所的人，和一個關(guān)系緊張的室友，這室友我還要朝夕相處，沒法保證對方不走極端；（如果可以避免沖突或肢體暴力，目前情況沒有到我需要采取自衛(wèi)來生存的地步，我希望盡可能讓困境中的人感受到這個世界還有一點溫暖和善意的包容。）
First, the new person has come in. Even I managed to kick my flatmate's friend out, there will only be one more homeless. The tension between my flatmate and me may even end up in violence if my flatmate goes to the extreme; ( if I can avoid conflict or body violence, the current situation is that I am not yet in a position to defend myself for survival, I hope that people in difficulties can feel that there are warmth and kindness as well as tolerance.)
第二，我本來就絕大部分時間在自己的房間里。通常聽到室友都沒動靜才會去公共空間，這是因為我不能百分百確定自己，也不能確定他們有沒有可能已經(jīng)成為了病毒攜帶者。這樣做不僅是保護自己，也在保護對方；（這也是為什么我拒絕搬到這邊說可以給我整理出空房間的有房的朋友的原因；在此超級感謝主動提出愿意讓我住的朋友們，情誼收到了，但我就不搬了。）
Secondly, I spent most of my time in my own room. I usually go to the public space when I do not hear other flatmates' movement. It is because I cannot be 100% sure that either of us has been the carrier of the virus. Doing so can not only protect me and protect them; (this also explains why I refuse my friend's generous offer for me to stay at their spare room as they have a house/flat; I want to express my gratitude for their generous and serious offers, but I am not moving.)
第三，我目前每天都有監(jiān)測自己的體溫（目前為止一直正常），飲食作息也都健康，一貫以來我也有著運動的習(xí)慣，所以不說有信心能絕對戰(zhàn)勝病毒，但至少我基本上可以照顧好自己；（萬一有需要，附近也有朋友可以給我送必需品；再次感謝住在我附近的緊急聯(lián)系人，最近還給我送了維他命C。）
Thirdly, I measure my temperature everyday (has been normal till today), my diet and lifestyle have been healthy for long, plus my habit of exercise, so I cannot promise that I can defeat the virus, but at least I can basically take care of myself; ( and just in case, I also live with friends who can buy the essentities for me; thanks again to my emergency contact who recently sent me th Vitamin C)
接下來就是對方發(fā)給我的信息和我的回復(fù)了。再說一遍，這篇推送里沒人需要你的評判。
Now we are going to read the message I received and replied. Again, I did not write this for your judgement.
I choose to send this long message after your work in the kitchen. I don’t want to bother you with my feelings when you need to work. But I am a person with feelings so I need to say how I feel about what you did:
First of all, it is a really nice gesture you do to your friend. He experienced many difficulties and you definitely have brought sunshine to his life by sharing your room.
No doubt you are a kind friend to him, but you are not showing your kindness to other tenants, including me.
I have to be honest about my feelings about your notice after he moved in. I am not feeling comfortable to have a stranger living next door at this time when social distancing has been a new nationwide rule. You can say that I am overreacting but I just want to clear that
YOU KNOW I am not comfortable about what you do although I cannot do anything to undo what you have done.
No one can say when the pandemic will be gone, so we know nothing for sure about how long the current isolation would last. And I understand it can be more difficult for him. But actually everyone is living quite a tough life now. You are being nice to him but not so responsible to other tenants who sign the contract with the landlord.
I also want to ask you a question but it is your choice to answer or ignore:
How long is your friend going to stay?
I need to obviously stay home (and of course mainly in my room) and I suppose you and your friend will also mainly stay indoors.
And as we all know, there is only one bathroom and one kitchen. It is already busy for four tenants, and now the number is five.
I hope your friend is clear that in case there is a time-conflict, tenants have priority because we live here with monthly-paid contract.
Relax. I will not do anything because I have empathy. If I was in his situation with no place to stay, it is nice to have someone give a hand. But the way you noticed me (and probably other tenants) after he moved in is a very badly-done behaviour as a flatmate, and it is in the context of coronavirus outbreak.
Last not not least, I hope every person in this flat (and our families and friends elsewhere, and everyone lives in this planet) stay safe and stay healthy.
聯(lián)系客服
